Dearest Celitha,

I am not usually the type to respond to arrangements such as these, but your request for a significant other made me consider my own deep and dark loneliness. After my former wife (Charlize) passed away during a night of passion, which was unfortunately not shared with me but a group of unnamed strangers, I have been so profoundly alone.

Although I am an Elven male, I have some very feminine qualities that may perk your interest. Years of consuming too many sweets have left me quite heavy in the bottom and the top, which I am sure you will find enjoyable. I have also acquired a make-up kit which brings out the fullness in my lips and my long and lovely eyelashes.

I, too, enjoy a bit of violence from time to time. I usually limit myself to a few light slaps, but admittedly I have sent a young lass or two running home to their mothers with a black eye or bloodied nose. It is all in good fun.

I think we are of like mind, and I look forward to your response so I can begin courting you.

Entirely yours,

Mvorn Flips

Scribbled in barely legible manuscript a heavy hand writes, "Well, isn't this rather sickening. The dismissal of masculine qualities in what seems to be my present racial compliance, or perhaps the mere lack there of, is quite disappointing. The lot of you need a decent scalding, among other rational perceptions and continuations along these lines. If you so desire to be rectified and corrected, mayhap a scholar might educate your barren souls, among other things. Seek my help, I shall cleanse your trespasses, heathens of divine rites. For I am Krahas, Sangaiz of Ilithi, breath of the dark; death for a life of falsified promises. Returned to bring the Scavenger's faith abound, once more."