Theres a reckoning a coming
And it burns beyond the grave
There's lead inside my belly
'cause my soul has lost its way
Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid?
Oh Lazarus, were you so afraid?
On the surface of things, being a Paladin is a pretty nice deal. They enjoy a privileged place in society and a level of spiritual exaltation so profound it borders on profane. The Paladin Guild is austere by convention but does not require any ordination or vows. A Paladin is encouraged to follow Chadatru in an earnest, personal manner free from many hierarchical responsibilities.
Then the soul calls.
It's hard to describe the experience of the sanctified soul. A Paladin that does right by his sanctification can feel a deep sensation that is a blessed mix of fulfillment and glory, sometimes to the point of dangerous hubris. Yet things come crashing down very, very quickly should a Paladin start faltering. The sanctified soul does not exert any direct control over the Paladin's mind, but it can certainly be felt. Shame and coldness and emptiness follows a breach of the sanctified soul's rigid ethics, and even just the act of passivity and contentment causes a slow, noticeable decline from the heights of conviction in a way that's been described like a pervasive depression.
The soul calls for the Paladin to act.
One of the truths that slowly trickles down among Paladins despite the silence of the Paladin Council is that the sanctified soul exists in a positive feedback loop. Good deeds (insofar as the ethic is concerned) feed the Paladin's soul... and the Paladin, in a knot of psychological dependence and spiritual need, can become dependent on that experience of holiness. Many Paladins are capable of finding equilibrium, but a Paladin knows, in his bones, that there is more to do, more wrongs to right, and greater communion to achieve with his soul.
The soul calls for the Paladin to sacrifice.
If the holy ethic has one unifying principle, it's that a Paladin sacrifices for others. Sacrifices of time, of energy, even of money all cause spiritual rejoice. Not all sacrifices are equal, nor do they necessarily have to be, but the theme is that the Paladin puts a piece of themself, in some abstract (or distressingly literal) way, out there for the benefit of others.
These two forces can intertwine in a dangerous way. A Paladin who fails to temper the calling will find themself called to greater and greater sacrifice, chasing greater and greater spiritual reward. Such a Paladin can put themself in tremendous risk for sometimes bafflingly little reason, yet still it has some benefit: the soul inflames, spiritual power flows and theosis seems all but guaranteed.
The soul calls for the Paladin to sacrifice, even in death.
The Invisible Flame is a path towards immortality, more theoretical than practical, that proposes that a sufficiently powerful soul can resist the pull of the Starry Road and perpetuate itself eternally as a spiritual being. Members of the clergy sometimes play with the idea, but Paladins are uniquely situated to make the attempt and, after a life time of sacrifice, reap a wholesome and powerful reward.
Yet that... doesn't happen. Not routinely. There are tales of Paladins that exceed death briefly, gloriously, vibrantly. But they leave. Inevitably, a Paladin so in tune with the soul's need to sacrifice is called at last to the sacrifice of their soul.
This truth has evoked horror in more than one Paladin, who finally find a sacrifice extreme enough to balk at. But it doesn't stop all of them. What drives a person, or spirit in this case, to not just sacrifice but sacrifice everything, including the possibility of doing further good, at the feet of... what exactly?
That is an excellent question.
Oh Lazarus, how did your debts get paid?
Oh Lazarus, were you so afraid?
-Armifer
"Perinthia's astronomers are faced with a difficult choice. Either they must admit that all their calculations were wrong ... or else they must reveal that the order of the gods is reflected exactly in the city of monsters." - Italo Calvino
