A Day in the Life of the Gods
By: Starsha
Posted by Starsha to the:
DR Message Boards > General Discussion > Humor
DISCLAIMER: If you dont like it TOUGH!!
[Gods Guild, Main Room]
This room was created so that the gods might have a quiet place to socialize when they are not out blessing the good or smiting the heathens of the Realms. The walls are made are made of polished oak while the floor is covered by a lush green carpet. On one of the walls there is a large, intricately woven tapestry depicting the creation of Elanthia. Several overstuffed sofas and armchairs are tastefully set throughout the room, allowing the gods to hold meetings in divine comfort. The most noticeable object, is a platinum edged mahogany table in the center of the room with a three dimensional map of the Realms on it. You also see a door leading to the All-God's study, a golden door that is closed, a sidetable loaded with food and drinks and a dartboard.
Also in the room: Homemaker Tamsine, Deathbringer Urrem'tier, Joyman Glythtide who appears to be sleeping, Hav'roth, Arcane Master Meraud, Truffenyi.
> Urrem'tier bows his head and chants a prayer.
> Tamsine hums as she begins to knit a sweater.
> HealingLady Hodernia has arrived.
> Urrem'tier gestures at a map of the Realms. A minature comet jumps off of the map and flies around for a second before streaking across to the sidetable and landing on a cracker.
> Urrem'tier gets a cracker from sidetable loaded with food.
> Glythtide snores.
> Hodernia says, "Hello everyone"
> Urrem'tier says, "Mmmm...fresh favorless"
> Urrem'tier nods to Hodernia.
> Tamsine gives Hodernia a smooch!
> Tamsine says, "Hiya hun!"
> Truffenyi hugs Hodernia.
> Meraud smiles at Hodernia.
> Havroth waves.
> Urrem'tier takes a bite of his cracker.
> Hodernia asks, "Anyone seen Kertigen? He was supposed to pick up some stuff for me so I could get ready for the Ride."
> Urrem'tier takes a bite of his cracker.
> Truffenyi says, "Sorry, havent seen him all day. Might be out messing with them Dwarves again."
> Hodernia sighs.
> Urrem'tier takes a bite of his cracker.
> Hav'roth asks, "Tasty?"
> Urrem'tier nonchalontly says, "Yes, tastes vaugly like S'kra"
> Hav'roth hisses at Urrem'tier.
> Truffenyi says, "Now, now you two"
> Glythtide snores.
> Meraud says, "Getting ready for the Ride a little early aren't you Hordie?"
> Hodernia giggles.
> Hodernia says, "Yeah, I want to really out do myself this year. Kertigen got me a bunch of new puppets and I just cant wait to see them!"
> Hodernia bows her head and chants a prayer.
> Hodernia darkly says, "Asketi! Come forth!"
> Hodernia gestures. A black sock puppet with a mean ole face appears on her left hand.
> Hodernia giggles.
> Meraud smirks.
> Truffenyi chuckes at Hodernia.
> Glythtide snores.
> Tamsine says, "Honestly hun, I know you need get out your frustrations and whatnot, but isnt the yearly thing a bit much?"
> Hodernia says, "Well why do you think the All-God gave us these puppets? To get out all our meanness"
> Urrem'tier says, "The All-God gave out those puppets so you goodie goodie types had an excuse to be manic-depressive"
> Hodernia pointedly ignores Urrem'tier.
> Urremtier says, "I say get your job done. Do I use my puppets now and then? Yes? But only for a little variety"
> Urrem'tier bows his head and chants a prayer.
> Urrem'tier gestures. A white sock puppet with a serene face appears on his right hand.
>Urrem'tier bows his head and chants a prayer.
> Urrem'tier gestures. A black sock puppet with a mean ole face appears on his left hand.
> Urrem'tier's white sock puppet says, "Hello I'm Elyhaar! You will die! But it will be a nice death!"
> Urrem'tier's black sock puppet says, "RAAAAR I'm Aldauth! You will die! I will implode your spleeeeeeeen!"
> Havroth hisses, "And who sssaysss Death doessssnt have a sssssence of humor?"
> Urrem'tier says, "Im not funny"
> Glythide snores.
> Tamsine lets out an involuntary shriek as Damaris appears out of thin air, and jumping at her making scary sounds and waving his arms wildly.
> Damaris says, "Hello everyone"
> Tamsine bops Damaris over the head.
> Tamsine says, "Veeeeeeeery funny"
> Damaris whistles merrily.
> Damaris says, "Im bored. Anyone need any locks picked, dreams made, children saved, assassinations done?"
> Hav'roth says, "You know, you have such an odd array of jobs"
> Damaris shrugs.
> A knocking sound comes from a golden door.
> Truffenyi blinks.
> Urrem'tier scratches his head.
> Tamsine says, "Who in Elanthia could that be?"
> Damaris shrugs.
> Meraud belts out, "Who is it?"
> Two voices chorus from the other side of the golden door, "Pizza delivery!"
> Hav'roth says, "Who ordered pizza?"
> Tamsine shrugs.
> Hodernia says, "Not I"
> Meraud opens the door.
> A tall delivery person has arrived.
> An energentic delivery person has arrived.
> Meraud says, "No one ordered any pizza"
> A tall delivery person says smoothly, "Well dont mind us we'll just leave these here and be on out way"
look tall per
> A tall delivery person is heavily clad in an odd looking uniform. It is impossible to make out his or her features.
> An energentic delivery person says, "Yup we'll just trot on in and leave them and be on our way"
> An energentic delivery person pushes his way past Meraud and put the pizzas on the sidetable.
> An energentic devlivery person barks.
> Meraud glares at an energetic delivery person.
> An energentic delivery person exclaims, "Oops!"
> Meraud traces an arcane symbol in the air.
> A tall delivery person flails wildly.
> Meraud gestures at a tall delivery person. A tall delivery person's clothing bursts into flames!
> A tall delivery person dances around wildly trying to bat down the flames. As the clothing becomes more and more charred it becomes clear that the form underneath the uniform is Pyrdean.
> Meraud exclaims, "Ah hah! Eu!"
> Damaris says, "Who?"
> Meraud exclaims, "Eu! Eu!"
> Truffenyi says, "Who? Me?"
> Meraud exclaims, "No! EU!"
> Hav'roth says, "Me?"
> Meraud exclaims, "No! Not you, you, or you! It EU! EUUUUUUUUU!"
> Glythtide farts.
> Meraud slaps his forehead.
> Urrem'tier says, "Ummm...I think the great exasperated one is trying to tell us that the delivery person would be the Pyrdean god Eu, and I would assume that the other one is Mrod?"
> Tamsine excitedly says, "Kitty god!?"
> Eu angrily exclaims, "I am NOT a kitty!"
> Meraud asks, "And what do you think you are doing here?"
> Mrod says, "Well, we're gods, you're gods, we thought ya might like to pow wow"
> Urrem'tier says, "How many times we gotta tell you, if we let you guys in, we gotta let ALL the god wannabes in. Do I need to tell you again how hard we had to fight to keep SA out?"
> Urrem'tier shakes his fist at Eu.
> Eu exclaims, "But we ARE gods already! We just want to be invited over for a little holy havoc now and then. We'll bring a bundt cake"
> Eu playfully punches Urrem'tier.
> Urrem'tier growls at Eu.
> Truffenyi exclaims, "OUT!"
> Eu says, "Ok...ok"
> Eu turns to leave. Suddenly he turns back and snatches the black sock puppet off of Urrem'tier hand!
> Eu exclaims, "Run Mrod! Run like the wiiiiiiiind!"
> Eu runs out a golden door.
> Mrod runs out a golden door.
> Urrem'tier blinks.
> Urrem'tier runs out a golden door.
> You hear the voice of Urrem'tier yelling, That was NOT A SMART THING TO DO!!!!
> You hear the wailing of a cat.
> Tamsine says, "Poor kitty god!"
> Tamsine runs out a golden door.
> Hodernia belts out, "Tamsine! Be careful! Urrem's mad!"
> Hodernia runs out a golden door.
> Truffenyi says, "Oy, this is going to be trouble, care to join up and pry them off of each other?"
> Meraud joins Truffenyi.
> Havroth joins Truffenyi.
> BigBadJusticeDude Chadatru just arrived.
> Chadatru self-rightously exclaims, "Greetings and forsooth!"
> Truffenyi grabs Chadatru's hand.
> Truffenyi says, "We're going to need you"
> Chadatru happily says, "Trouble's afoot eh? Rally ho!"
> Meraud says, "Riiiiiiiiight"
> Truffenyi says, "Coming Damaris?"
> You hear the voice of Damaris say, "Stalking"
> Truffenyi's group runs out a golden door.
> Glythtide snorts.
> Glythtide sits up.
> Glythtide says, "Hey? Where is everybody?"
> Glythtide glances over at a sidetable.
> Glythtide says, "Ooooo, pizza"
> Glythtide grabs a slice of pizza, yum!
> Glythtide munches away happily on a slice of pizza.
~THE END
Solomon
"The probability of someone making a mathematical formulation on a non-mathematical subject is inversely proportional to its usefulness."
- Brust's Law of Mathematical Formulations
http://www.myspace.com/simutronicsdragonrealms
SIMU-SOLOMON
DEARMANK
Re: A Day in the Life of the Gods
02/04/2009 01:14 PM CST
LOL, thanks, cracks me up every time
Cute verbs and speaking from hiding are excellent ways to catch a lightning bolt in the face regardless of mystical ninja abilities.
-Armifer
Cute verbs and speaking from hiding are excellent ways to catch a lightning bolt in the face regardless of mystical ninja abilities.
-Armifer
GABRIELBLACK
Re: A Day in the Life of the Gods
02/04/2009 02:42 PM CST
> Glythtide says, "Ooooo, pizza"
Nice.
~
It seems like such a terrible shame that innocent civilians have to get hurt in wars, otherwise combat would be such a wonderfully healthy way to rid the human race of unneeded trash.
-Fred Woodworth
Nice.
~
It seems like such a terrible shame that innocent civilians have to get hurt in wars, otherwise combat would be such a wonderfully healthy way to rid the human race of unneeded trash.
-Fred Woodworth
PRETTY-MEGAN
Re: A Day in the Life of the Gods
02/04/2009 07:01 PM CST
I'd forgotten about that, remember reading it years ago. Thanks for the reposts, those were awesome, and my boyfriend is giving me really funny looks cause I'm laughing really hard, and he came over to read over my shoulder and, I quote, "Who the heck is Urem-what?" hehe
Megan
Megan
GANGREL
Re: A Day in the Life of the Gods
02/05/2009 11:15 PM CST
It never fails... every time I read this joke, the "implode your spleeeeeen!" bit has me dying. Heh.
Killing you softly with his song,
- Stormsinger Shavay
Faerie tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know dragons exist. Faerie tales tell children that dragons can be killed.
- G.K. Chesterton
Killing you softly with his song,
- Stormsinger Shavay
Faerie tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know dragons exist. Faerie tales tell children that dragons can be killed.
- G.K. Chesterton
SHYGOAT
Re: A Day in the Life of the Gods
02/10/2009 03:04 PM CST
Okay, somebody archive those PRONTO before they get lost in the forums abyss.
Aveda's Field Guide- http://dr.aveda.googlepages.com
Aveda's Field Guide- http://dr.aveda.googlepages.com
ASHBOMB
Re: A Day in the Life of the Gods
02/21/2009 02:33 PM CST
Sol you have the one where Urremtier is folding the origami?
GANGREL
Re: A Day in the Life of the Gods
03/22/2009 04:50 PM CDT
>>Sol you have the one where Urremtier is folding the origami?
I'm glad someone fondly remembers my efforts. As best I can remember, this was originally posted early April '05.
[The Starry Hall]
The walls of this hall are adorned with tapestries depicting galaxies, nebulae, and other celestial bodies. The sourceless light illuminates a large table near the center of the space, large enough to contain at least a dozen guests, although the number of chairs surrounding it seems to change at every counting. One side of the hall is furnished in a more casual style, with couches and comfortable chairs clustered in conversation nooks near an immense fireplace. A star in mid-nova lies discarded carelessly in one corner.
Also here: Urrem'tier who is sitting.
Obvious exits: elsewhere, everywhere, yesterday, out.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Damaris slinks in.
Damaris blinks at Urrem'tier.
Damaris says, "Still working on that, eh?"
Urrem'tier grunts.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Damaris says, "The Seven-Pointed Star Empire was still up and running, wasn't it?"
Urrem'tier grunts.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Damaris rolls his eyes.
Chadatru's group just arrived.
Hodierna exclaims, "And then he just walked away without a thank you. What a jerk!"
Tamsine says, "Blacklist him."
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Meraud asks, "Want me to kill him a few dozen times?"
Tamsine glances at Urrem'tier.
Tamsine asks, "Is he still working on that thing?"
Urrem'tier glares at Tamsine.
Chadatru says, "It's a very difficult pattern, I believe."
Tamsine says, "What a waste of paper."
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Everild just arrived.
Everild casually observes the area.
Everild exclaims, "Ah, there you are!"
Hodierna pointedly ignores Everild.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Everild says, "Come on, I need healing."
Hodierna innocently says, "Did anyone hear something?"
Tamsine giggles.
Everild grumbles.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Chadatru asks, "So... anybody for Courage?"
Everild just went elsewhere.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Chadatru asks, "Last call for Courage."
Urrem'tier rolls his eyes.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Chadatru gestures. Vision is temporarily impossible as a blinding glow emanates from Chadatru's body. As your sight returns you notice he seems more imposing.
Tamsine seems more imposing.
Hodierna seems more imposing.
Meraud seems more imposing.
Damaris seems more imposing.
Hodierna asks Damaris, "When did you join the group?"
Damaris smirks.
Meraud says, "A while ago. He's sneaky, you know."
Damaris nods at Meraud, obviously agreeing with his views.
Damaris asks, "Anyone want their money back, while I'm feeling charitable?"
Hodierna giggles.
Tamsine smiles.
Chadatru scowls.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Meraud says, "No, that's alright. You hold onto it."
Damaris cheerfully says, "Don't mind if I do!"
Chadatru asks, "Alright, is everyone ready?"
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Hodierna nods to Chadatru.
Tamsine nods to Chadatru.
Meraud says, "Let's get this show on the road."
Chadatru's group just went through yesterday.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier makes a final fold and gazes proudly at his new origami Elanthia.
Urrem'tier darkly exclaims, "Finally!"
Urrem'tier finds a hole in his origami Elanthia and blows into it. Then with a tremendous "BANNGG!", smacks it flat between his hands before tossing away the origami Elanthia's tattered remains.
*
* Connection to the game has been dropped.
*
Killing you softly with his song,
- Stormsinger Shavay
Faerie tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know dragons exist. Faerie tales tell children that dragons can be killed.
- G.K. Chesterton
I'm glad someone fondly remembers my efforts. As best I can remember, this was originally posted early April '05.
[The Starry Hall]
The walls of this hall are adorned with tapestries depicting galaxies, nebulae, and other celestial bodies. The sourceless light illuminates a large table near the center of the space, large enough to contain at least a dozen guests, although the number of chairs surrounding it seems to change at every counting. One side of the hall is furnished in a more casual style, with couches and comfortable chairs clustered in conversation nooks near an immense fireplace. A star in mid-nova lies discarded carelessly in one corner.
Also here: Urrem'tier who is sitting.
Obvious exits: elsewhere, everywhere, yesterday, out.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Damaris slinks in.
Damaris blinks at Urrem'tier.
Damaris says, "Still working on that, eh?"
Urrem'tier grunts.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Damaris says, "The Seven-Pointed Star Empire was still up and running, wasn't it?"
Urrem'tier grunts.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Damaris rolls his eyes.
Chadatru's group just arrived.
Hodierna exclaims, "And then he just walked away without a thank you. What a jerk!"
Tamsine says, "Blacklist him."
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Meraud asks, "Want me to kill him a few dozen times?"
Tamsine glances at Urrem'tier.
Tamsine asks, "Is he still working on that thing?"
Urrem'tier glares at Tamsine.
Chadatru says, "It's a very difficult pattern, I believe."
Tamsine says, "What a waste of paper."
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Everild just arrived.
Everild casually observes the area.
Everild exclaims, "Ah, there you are!"
Hodierna pointedly ignores Everild.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Everild says, "Come on, I need healing."
Hodierna innocently says, "Did anyone hear something?"
Tamsine giggles.
Everild grumbles.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Chadatru asks, "So... anybody for Courage?"
Everild just went elsewhere.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Chadatru asks, "Last call for Courage."
Urrem'tier rolls his eyes.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Chadatru gestures. Vision is temporarily impossible as a blinding glow emanates from Chadatru's body. As your sight returns you notice he seems more imposing.
Tamsine seems more imposing.
Hodierna seems more imposing.
Meraud seems more imposing.
Damaris seems more imposing.
Hodierna asks Damaris, "When did you join the group?"
Damaris smirks.
Meraud says, "A while ago. He's sneaky, you know."
Damaris nods at Meraud, obviously agreeing with his views.
Damaris asks, "Anyone want their money back, while I'm feeling charitable?"
Hodierna giggles.
Tamsine smiles.
Chadatru scowls.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Meraud says, "No, that's alright. You hold onto it."
Damaris cheerfully says, "Don't mind if I do!"
Chadatru asks, "Alright, is everyone ready?"
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Hodierna nods to Chadatru.
Tamsine nods to Chadatru.
Meraud says, "Let's get this show on the road."
Chadatru's group just went through yesterday.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier carefully makes another fold in his paper.
Urrem'tier makes a final fold and gazes proudly at his new origami Elanthia.
Urrem'tier darkly exclaims, "Finally!"
Urrem'tier finds a hole in his origami Elanthia and blows into it. Then with a tremendous "BANNGG!", smacks it flat between his hands before tossing away the origami Elanthia's tattered remains.
*
* Connection to the game has been dropped.
*
Killing you softly with his song,
- Stormsinger Shavay
Faerie tales do not tell children that dragons exist. Children already know dragons exist. Faerie tales tell children that dragons can be killed.
- G.K. Chesterton
ASHBOMB
Re: A Day in the Life of the Gods
03/22/2009 08:41 PM CDT
That was yours? good stuff. Thanks for reposting!
>>Karate competitions do not typically involve pummeling the weapon into someone's skull until you find the chewy nougat center.
- Armifer
>>Karate competitions do not typically involve pummeling the weapon into someone's skull until you find the chewy nougat center.
- Armifer
