Elanthian Pie
A Parody of the Song "American Pie" by Don McLean
Adapted by: Allegoria


(Not really suitable for use In-Game, please) :P


A long long time ago
I can still remember how that broadsword used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those critters dance
And maybe they'd not kill me for a while.
But Greater Unyns made me shiver
With every blow that I'd deliver
Bad news for my armor
I couldn't take one hit more
I can't remember if I cried
When I was filled with so much pride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the critter died

So Bye-bye, Miss Elanthian Pie
I'm a Ranger and I'm stranger
Than a thief on the fly
And them good old barbs were makin fun of my try
Singin' this'll be the day that you die
This'll be the day that you die

Did you know that death is love
And do you have favors with the Gods above
If the temple tells you so
Do you believe in rocks and slings
Can critters face the pain it brings
And can you teach me not to dodge real slow
Well, I know that you're in leather there
'Cause I saw you fall and heard it tear
They try to claw your shoes
Man, I dig those torn leather blues
I was a lonely teenage ranger chick
With a pink carnation and a great big stick
But I knew I could do the trick
The day the critter died

I started singin'...

Bye-bye, Miss Elanthian Pie
I'm a Ranger and I'm stranger
Than a thief on the fly
And them good old barbs were makin fun of my try
Singin' this'll be the day that you die
This'll be the day that you die

Mer Kresh, M'Riss in a swarming bliss
The mages blew up the only cypress
Eight more pigs and falling fast
I landed mauled out on the grass
I couldn't let the critters pass
With the moonie with his arms raised for a cast
Now the noise-filled air was sweet perfume
While the bards strummed out a helpful tune
We all got up to dance
Oh, but we never got the chance
'Cause the critter tried to kill us all
The ranger chick refused to fall
The barbs were dancing strong and tall
The day the critters died

We started singing...

Bye-bye, Miss Elanthian Pie
I'm a Ranger and I'm stranger
Than a thief on the fly
And them good old barbs were makin fun of my try
Singin' this'll be the day that you die
This'll be the day that you die

Oh, and there we were all in the rain
Another ranger lost again
With no time left to feel the pain
So come on, barb be nimble, barb be quick
Brawl and kill with a candlestick
'Cause fire is the mage's only friend
Oh, and as I cast the bonds on him
My hands were clenched on a maple limb
No critter born in hell
Could break that ranger spell
And as the spiders climbed high on his head
To wrap him up and kill him dead
I saw myself laughing as others fled
The day the critter died

He was singing...

Bye-bye, Miss Elanthian Pie
I'm a Ranger and I'm stranger
Than a thief on the fly
And them good old barbs were makin fun of my try
Singin' this'll be the day that you die
This'll be the day that you die

I met a bard who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the general store
Where I'd bought my weapon years before
But the man there said the thieves just wouldn't pay
And in the streets the moonies screamed
The empaths cried, and the clerics dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The broadswords all were broken
And the three men I admire most
The Barb, the Ranger and the Gaming Host
They caught the last boat for the coast
The day the critter died

And they were singing...

Bye-bye, Miss Elanthian Pie
I'm a Ranger and I'm stranger
Than a thief on the fly
And them good old barbs were makin fun of my try
Singin' this'll be the day that you die
This'll be the day that you die


Solomon


"The probability of someone making a mathematical formulation on a non-mathematical subject is inversely proportional to its usefulness."
- Brust's Law of Mathematical Formulations

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